it was nearly 10pm when the cop started flashing his lights behind me
“not again, not again,” I groaned, and pulled over to the shoulder of the highway. Dallin, snoring away in the passenger seat next to me, blearily opened his eyes.
“again?!” he echoed.
we’d been driving since 12am that morning, determined to drive from North Carolina to Utah without stopping for a break. it had been going well enough until we hit St. Louis around 11am, where we got pulled over.
and then of course I used my good looks and charm to talk my way out of a ticket, but ten minutes after that, our tire blew on the freeway – and that’s something my good looks and charm couldn’t fix.
after meeting the AAA guy with the Avatar the Last Airbender backpack and then an Indian man who spent the entirety of our interaction either yelling in Arabic or telling us not to trust anyone in St. Louis (which was kind of ironic considering we were buying used tires from him), we were on our way again.
and yet here we were in Nebraska, about to meet another of our nation’s friendly neighborhood traffic police.
I handed him my license and insurance information – an exchange I was unfortunately rather familiar with at this point – then watched through the rearview as he went back to his car.
me and Dallin sat numbly – 24 straight hours in the car will do that to you – until Carrie Underwood started belting from the stereo: “Jesus, take the wheeeEEEEEEL, take it from my hands!”
we lost it. started laughing so hard we nearly cried, because clearly miss Ashley Mae Kaufman was incapable of handling this wheel on her own.
the cop came back and you guessed it, I talked my way out of the ticket
we started driving again, Dallin snoring away in the passenger seat next to me, and I started feeling worried
what was I thinking? I’d only been home from the mission for four months. I had worked my tail off, bought a car, and decided to move across the country to go to school. I was nearly out of money, even more so because of the tires I just had to replace, and had no prospects for a decent job once I arrived in Utah
God wanted me in Provo, for whatever reason, and I was going to go, despite not having any idea what I wanted to do with my life
all I knew was that I was going to follow my God – and I mean, even if I ended up homeless, at least I’d be homeless in the correct city, right?
before I knew it we were surrounded by fog, some of the thickest fog I’d ever driven in
you know those little white dotted lines in the middle of the road? I could only see one of them before the rest disappeared in mist
so there I was, following my God, hunched over the steering wheel and going 25 miles an hour down the highway, singing along to Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus to try to keep myself awake and the both of us alive
Dallin snoring in the passenger seat next to me
hours passed
11pm, 12am, 1am
we left the fog and drove into Wyoming. I breathed a sigh of relief –
and then it started to snow
HARD
like middle of January in Canada level snowstorm
YALL IT’S MAY AND WE RAN INTO A FETCHING BLIZZARD
so there I was, white knuckling the steering wheel, going 15 miles an hour on the highway, no control of the brakes(don’t worry Mom we only slid off the road once), listening not to Miley Cyrus this time but the sound of the universe laughing at me
you know those little white dotted lines in the middle of the road? well, I couldn’t see any of them – or anything for that matter
praying praying praying praying Carrie’s prayer: “Jesus take the wheel”
more hours passed, and as the miles dropped behind us we made it out of the snowstorm
2am
3am
4am
Dallin snoring in the passenger seat next to me
driving into a future that felt just as dim as the fog, just as slippery as the snow, and every bit as dangerous
and somehow I found myself praying Carrie’s prayer again:
Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, cause I can’t do this on my own
“I can’t do this on my own” – that was readily apparent
and as me and Dallin switched places and he drove us into provo at 7am, I let go of the wheel and prayed:
Jesus take it from my hands
because You’re the One I’m following, and You’re the One with the plan
and I trust that You will lead me where You want me to be